The Interview

by Nicola
(South Australia)

I couldn't disguise the sound of ripping as I sat in the low chair. I knew the skirt was too tight when I put it on that morning, but I just didn't have anything else suitable to wear to a job interview. All the effort of standing on the bus, standing in Reception waiting to be called was all for nought. Three faces stared down at me from across the boardroom table. Each of them trying hard not to laugh outright. What I sight I must be, a middle aged woman in a too tight suit, flushing madly. Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath.

"Oops. I do apologise for that. As you can see from my resume, it has been a few years since I have been at work. It seems I may have gained a few pounds." I paused, then forced myself into my brightest and most professional smile.

"But my pounds are an expression of experience. Each pound is equivalent to a year's worth." I stood up and pointed to my slightly ample hips.

"As you can see, I am well rounded, with much to offer. Like Santa, my jollity is on display. The bubbles in my thighs, reflect the bubbliness of my personality, the perspiration that has suddenly appeared upon my brow, due to my natural warmth. What more can you ask for in a Receptionist?" I tried not to gulp as I resumed my seat, hoping that the interview would conclude quickly so that I could politely make my escape.

The young woman opposite attempted a serious look in my direction, but the corners of her mouth twitched. The older, grey haired bespectacled gent to her right coughed madly into his handkerchief. The woman spoke, "Well, I have to say …. Actually, I'm not quite sure what to say. I do appreciate your um … naturalness, however, as you say, you have been out of the workforce for a number of years and we are looking for someone a little more … corporate."

"That's ok. I completely understand. Thank you all for your time, and I wish you all the very best in your quest to find a suitable applicant." For effect, I stood and with a flourish, gave a deep curtsey, tearing the seam of my skirt even further.

The older gent left the room. For some reason, he now seemed to be crying. I turned to follow, but was halted in my steps by the voice of the third panellist.

"Excuse me Brenda. Would you mind taking a seat again?" I turned and fell back into my seat like a brick and stared at him. He was in his late thirties, his eyes twinkled and his smile was broad.

"Although you don't quite meet our requirements as a Receptionist, I see from your resume you are also an experienced secretary. You clearly have intelligence and personality. My Marketing Assistant resigned unexpectedly this morning. Her husband has secured a job overseas, so she will be going with him. I would like to offer you the position."